Confession.................
Sometimes I get confused that what should I believe……..I mean I strongly believe in destiny…..destiny which is made by god for us………destiny which is pre planned by Him……..destiny which always proves me wrong……..whenever I feel that everything is going wrong and now there’s no way than at that very moment He (God) sent someone for my help………I also get confused when I think about God and destiny side by side……..for me God is my provider…..He’s the only power which provide me love, strength to fight back in difficulties, my friends who are always there for me at my weaker stage, my family who’s my biggest strength, my will power and above all bless me with such wonderful parents, Sis and also my grandpa, however, he is not with me…….he is sitting up there with god seeing me with so much love in his eyes……but still something is missing……I can not find out that missing space in my life…….feeling as if m running for something……..may be running for success…….by God’s grace I have everything which is required by a person like love of all my loved ones, sound family, good friends, good education specially I’m proud of being a convent educated boy because my school was my base and helped me to make me confident and carry myself with dignity in this society………..I don’t know why I’m writing all this. Actually there are so many things which are going on in my mind right now but not getting an words to convert into words………and I myself don’t know what I want to write……..fine it’s more than enough now…..I can not control my emotions now…..actually I have seen so many dreams for me , my family and my grandpa that now I’m feeling as if I’m over stressed by my expectations from myself…..I have a lot of strength to fight back with complexes which r coming in my way these days……..I have lot of will power still left in me………..and it’s all because I personally believe that my biggest strength is my blind faith on my God………He have always blessed me with everything which I needed……..whenever I asked him to give me something he gave me in big quantities……….and that’s how my faith developed……n today for the first time time I’m really feeling guilty………..actually this time when I asked him for something he didn’t gave or I can say may be he’s delaying to give it at right time……….but this time I don’t know why I lost my patience and fought with Him(God)…….I said so many bad things to him……I said He don’t love me, however, somewhere in my sub-consciousness I knew that I’m doing wrong……..He love me……but I’m like that……I can not keep things within me………n now it’s around 4 months of guilt which I’m suffering from………..I said sorry to Him but I think He didn’t forgave me because I’m still waiting for him to wave his magic wand n bless me…………I know I’m expecting so much after committing a mistake……..but I just have Him to forgive me for all my mistakes and nourish me with my needs and selfish desires………….I can not expect anyone else for this………..and I believe that everyone of us have Him in us and if u people can help me out to come out of this feeling of guilt then please help me…………please forgive me………m asking u too 4 forgiveness of my mistakes as all of u have Him within u………….. I’m SORRY…….
