Its just words……
Words......have the tremendous power to make or break, relationships of all kinds. “She said this to me or I said that to her, She makes me feel so good when she compliments me and she hurts me so much when she shouts at me or hurls abuses at me”. All words, said by the other person to us and from us to them with the intent of hurting or making one feel good or for communicating certain emotions.
Why do these words assume so much importance? Why do some people have the power to hurt us more than others? Or someone's compliments feel more special than another's?
It is because we allow it. We give so much significance to that particular person and hence the relationship becomes meaningful to us and thus whatever he or she says to us, kind or cruel, compliments or criticisms all assume priority and gain the power to hurt or feel good.
We also derive our sense of being from that person. We wait for the approval of that person. It is like: If she says you are good, then one starts believing that about oneself and if she says that you are not so, then one tends to believe that too. Why? Because at some point in life one gives more weight-age to the words of that person, because one wants him/her to care and love and hence one is ready to make oneself approvable, mould oneself to his/her tastes, bend ones own personal rules to suit according to other. And why does one do this? Because there is a subconscious need to belong and hence one allows that person to rule.
I am not saying that all the spoken words are insincerely spoken, but what I mean is that we need not take every spoken word seriously. The words need to be weighed in the correct context. Sometimes one may say things in a certain mood and under certain circumstances / conditions and not mean it in a hurtful way at all. And in the same manner a person may pay you a compliment when he or she does not really mean it, except to make you feel good at that moment. Nothing wrong there. Take it in the right spirit.
This becomes all the more evident in the chat space than in meat space, because in the latter, one can see how the other person is feeling at the moment. It may be possible to gauge his / her mood at the moment. But on chat space a person may be feeling a completely different emotion than he or she conveys to the other person. One may be chatting with several people at one time and the topic of discussion with each one may be different. With one there may be a perfectly serious discussion on the philosophy of life, with another one may be having a naughty chat and with a third person they may be sharing a joke. All different moods, right? One may think that it is not humanly possible for a person to do that, but I have known it to be possible. Albeit not everybody possesses those mental skills, but those who do, I salute them…
Such a tripartite conversation cannot be very meaningful, because, one is unable to explore a thought or share an idea meaningfully. Sooner or later, a perceptive person will recognize that your chat friend is not wholeheartedly with you.
The best thing would be to enjoy the chat for the sake of it and not read too much meaning into the words and not allow the person’s words to assume too much significance, even if it is a compliment. Perhaps the next best thing would be to move on from that person to someone who can share a more meaningful conversation with you, and allows and encourages you to share and explore your thoughts and feelings to its logical ending and not leave you midway feeling lost and parched. Or simply go ahead and MULTITASK.
The minute you tell yourself that these are ONLY WORDS, they lose their significant power to give you joy or inflict sorrow.
Here I m only highlighting some aspects that have been known to affect people which I have faced. This is what the Reality of life, The words gives life an took too...
Posted by...Ritesh Kotian...
