I am fucking pissed. I wrote a story all about ma own life, what I have seen & faced, what I have experienced and submitted to one of ma friend for further corrections.... but I been fired taking past present and feature, I had illusions that i was this great writer waiting to be discovered. Let’s say the next big thing in the world of publishing the next Ritesh a shit. But to ma horror I discovered that the stuff I write has little imagination in it. Oh! what bakwas i write. Absolute trash. On top of it ma life is real shitty rite now with nothing working for me. I don’t have any social life no laughter no smiles. Honestly never had one for ages. I don’t have a job, I flunk all the interviews that I happen to attend. I can’t write shit. The only things i can write well are essays. I can write about a tree, a house, a open sky, a human being, tears, broken heart and the rest of the kindergarten stuff. But tell me to write a decent story about relationships and all i do is write some crap…
I hate ma life, I hate ma name, Ritesh Kotian, why on earth couldnt ma parents give me a simple name like rajendra or mahendra. Why did they have to name me like a film star. I mean with a name like this i should have all the pretty dames swooning around me. I kinda shrink whenever ma name is called out in the open. I think I will shorten it to A 'dot' . I look like shit, pig faced would be like abusing the pigs. The only person who says that I look interesting is ma dear friend dolly and that too when she is in a good mood. Otherwise she too takes pot shots at me. There was this girl Priya, she was email buddy for a long time, she tried and tried but she couldn’t get ma pix from me. She wrote emails pleading for ma pixs and all i did was promise that i would send it soon. Right now she is dating somebody her junior she is definitely pissed at me coz she writes long mails telling me that she is having a whale of a time with her boyfriend. What a nasty piece of work. So this is ma life and it isn’t worth a shit. I am bitching rite now Boz i am really upset and pissed. Life is such a bitch. I dont know whether that was correct but it stays put Boz i dont want to be grammatically correct for once, so screw the grammar, screw the spellings, screw everybody. Rite now I am going to write some awfully shitty stories and irritate a lot of people. I need to get rid of this bile quick. Yeah i know i am writing like shit but i dont care i am in a shitty mood. So here are some of ma stories about a cow, a crow, a dog with a bone and few others that escape ma attention.
Story of crow
There was a crow he sat on a wire with two legs coz he had two legs only. His feathers were not flapping coz he was not flying and his beaks were closed coz he was not cawing. Ok shit i don’t know the rest of the story........ maybe the crow got shot or something well i dont know...........maybe the bloody cat ate it .........or it got electrocuted or something.......oh ya i am bloody insensitive.......ok then shoot me then. see if i care.......call maneka aunty i dont care....
Story of cow
There was this big cow it had four legs and it was standing on four of them. It had a tail because it was born with only one and it was chewing cud because cows dont chew bubble gum. The cow lifted its legs and let loose some cow dung, ok i don’t whether they lift their leg or not but this one did kasam se...........ok end of story.......bye
The tree
There was this tree and it was green above and dark brown a little below. It had many leaves I didn’t count so I can’t tell you how many exactly. It was tall I don’t know how tall coz I didn’t have a ruler with me. It was a tree and I don’t know which one coz I don’t carry wikipedia with me. So this tree grew up for days no for years till it became a very big tree again I don’t know how big because I don’t have a foot ruler with me.
A dog with a bone
A dog had a big bone. The bone was made of bone. It was a tasty bone and dog eat it with relish. Dog bite on bone many times making noise. I t;s remove the noise sho sho at the dog. Dog look at me and say go away come again another day, I don’t care and sho sho much louder but dog eat and eat and eat till bone gone from view. I then go inside and come outside with slippers and go to market for shopping......
Please dont give me lectures I in no mood for lectures or debates so pls don’t tell everything will be ok Boz everything will not be ok i know that so plz no and girls I love you very much but no I am not good looking so don’t weave phantasies around me ok. Gawd I am feeling elated rite now this shit is good.
Pleas: ma Devil Friend has brought some sandwiches for me rite now and is asking whether i would prefer chicken or palag panner for dinner. I am so hungry that i can have both but he is a kanjoos makhi choos and i dont think i am going to have either.
Note: This blog had an immediate effect on ma evil friend, special for taking past present & features an a huge bulk of lectures for her and she proceeded to give me a treat so that i would shut up and stop bothering her. So In the past few hours i have had aloo chat, roshogollas, sandwiches, palak paneer and fruits. I will not call her evil for the next twenty four hours, i think ....
Ritesh Kotian.......
